So SINNAHGOOGIE BOOGIE is almost some kind of a theme... album... Of course it's not about ME but it's a lot of me in it. That's new for me.
I wrote about how people with the best of intentions made me feel like... shit... Not good at anything that counted and sometimes evil sometimes weak but most of the times just plain stupid.
The life of crime was something I could understand the rules of because criminals are very clear with what they want of you, no game of guessing for me like it was with "ordinary people", but I wasn't interested in that either. Growing up with a father that had his own paintshop I knew that the freedom of owning your business (which is the way I look at the criminal life or like being a freelancer?) is just a lot of: working too much (and often), never really having some free time and (all the time:) being on your toes because of the competition. Too much work and not enough fun... money was never interesting for me before I started to have loans... In other words before I became a grown up. Don't do that kids! It's a trap!
I was an angry lonely kid and I understand why now. Why I was angry and why no one ever could stand me for long... Because of my lack in communication skills I couldn't understand why I couldn't understand or why I couldn't get understood.
I was lucky, my parent was understanding in that sense that the knew I wasn't doing anything to fuck with people. They couldn't understand why but they understood that fighting my ways/my confusion/my anger was in the most cases pointless. It was just going to make it worse. School wasn't as understanding... is it ever? Or whoever you have to deal with to get along with your life. My work employment officer said I hadn't suffered enough in my life! He didn't look to happy either so maybe suffering was what he thought sucess was?
But I had the music. The music kept me from going insane, getting into drugs! and having a "normal social life" and during those years it probably was the best for me... Getting some proffessional help would have been even better but that wasn't an alternative I assume...
I'm not much of a Doors fan but the line "music is you only friend, until the end" is a "truth" for me if anything is. And I'm gonna end this boring rant with the cliché that if one of my songs helps one person to feel a little bit better of themselves I'm totally satisfied. It sure does for me...
See how happy pEr gets when he's playing his guitar!
The song of the day is GONE.. it's there the name of the song is Gone...so...you get huh?